Watch your mouth!

one day, after a long & tiring afternoon,
I sat on a chair, just to take some rest,
not wanting to make conversation with anybody,
not wanting to even speak to anybody,
cause I'm freakin' tired and so (as I thought) everybody else.
There's only a couple of guys in the room,
and everyone was as tired as me.
it was a long day for everybody...

then came one man,
with big grin in his face, trying to (i guess) be cheery and friendly,
well at first that's fine,
he was trying to make conversation with me i guess,
but he did it in a very annoying way,
he started asking inappropriate question,
I'd been trying to keep my cool as the annoying question continues,
he didn't seem to get it when i lamely trying to avoid him and his question,
then went one unimportant line after another,
i was trying to be nice and polite,
i didn't want to turn him down so straightly, it might came off rude.
then one sentence came off his mouth, that burned me:
"Dasar manja."

Jeder!!
Anrj*t!
Man,, serius, semua sumpah serapah langsung meledak di kepala gw,
untung ga keluar di mulut, Alhamdulillah masih bisa nahan diri,
kalo ga bisa jotos-jotosan di tempat tuh ( hehe, preman abis :) )
gile,
Man, you don't know ANYTHING about me, how dare you called me spoiled!
you have NO IDEA what i've been through,
you don't even know me, for God sake,
and who are you to judge, dude?!
Anjr*t ( Astagfirullah, sorry God >.< )
gila ya!

(*he.. notice the language change? he, that represents how pissed off i was, he..)

serius, gw langsung males ngomong sama dia,
ampe besoknya ktemu dia lagi,
biasanya gw masih ngeladenin,
walau emang omongannya keseringan ga penting,
tapi, yah biasanya gw brusaha sopan lah, ngeladenin bentar,
ini ga, gw cuekin aja,
dia terus negur2 sih, tapi bodo ah,
gile, masih kepikiran ucapannya, betapa ga pentingnya..

ini mungkin peringatan juga sih dari Yang Maha Mengetahui,
he, gw ga bisa mungkir, mulut gw sering buat dosa,
ucapan2 gw, kata2nya, kadang nyelekit2 pedes.
kadang sengaja, kadang ga sengaja,,

he, when i wanna hurt somebody, i can do it with painful words, *bad habit
but when the words come unintentionally,
sometimes a simple "sorry" can't undo it.

hah.
though learning i got here..

soo guys,, (and me..)
be careful about what you're saying to other people,
think before you talk, don't do it otherwise.
seriously, think before you talk,
cause even a single word can make a heart breaks.
(hey, it's a good tagline :D )

Emotionally Abused

yea, ok
you can say he's not that bad
whatever.
cause you won't hear any words i said,
what else could i do?

this is the tricky part,
he didn't do any physical abuse,
what he did was an emotional abuse.
and it wasn't easier -if not harder- to be deal with,
cause I don't have physical proof,
I can't show you any evidence,
if i could tear up my heart and let you see,
what damage he had done to me, emotionally,
maybe then you'll get it.

but unfortunately i can't,
what i can do now is express my feeling
with anything possible, that I'm comfortable with.
And when I do,
i would like you to listen,
pay attention,
and believe me.

Which you've failed to do.

i don't want this to happened too,
i dream about a perfect happy life,
but to simply look the other way,
doesn't solve the problem.
by not believing in it,
doesn't make it disappear.

I wish it was that easy,
but it'll be like there's something eating you alive inside,
and you just keep ignoring it, not believing that it exist,
then you just die.

No, i don't wanna do that.

I know you're hurt too,
yea, you're hurt too, yet you keep it quiet,
but don't expect me to do the same

I'll do whatever i can to make me comfortable,
cause i still have a life to be live in,
i still want to be happy.

so please don't drag me down
to the same quicksand that we're just get out from,
you wanna jump in again?
I'll say, "it's a ridiculous decision"
but you're so determine to do it,
so I'll say "Alright, just don't drag me down with you"

sorry

I guess the ball's on me now,
but sorry,
i don't wanna play anymore

sorry,
i dont have time for this,
what are we? five?

sorry,
I'm not in the mood for quarrel,
and i never will be

sorry,
if my maturity make you felt unease

sorry,
yeah,
i'm so sorry for you.

What's Wrong With You (and Me) ?

050808 - 8:35PM



Okay, I might shoved you first at the time,
I might overly put my emotion on my words the other day,
And you might took that more deeper than i thought.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the situation.
But to be honest, that's what I felt.
I was really disappointed.

And when you shoved me back,
I tried my best not to roar,
although my mind that time said,
"This kid wants war!"
But, no, I was trying to take the higher road,
I thought, "If what I'm about to say isn't gonna fix the situation, I'd better not say a word"
so I (tried to) shut my mind and heart, trust me it ain't easy,
It almost ruined my whole day,
I might even turn my best friend down..
Damn..

Then, when I thought I cooled down,
I decided not to light the fire,
I didn't want to add some unnecessary thoughts
inside my already (felt like) overloaded mind
I tried to reach out to you,
I tried to apologize, for the sake of my sanity and our relation.
Yet, you shoved me back.
and screamed "back off"
And yes, it hurt. Ouch.

Wow, it sounds like I'm a selfish jerk,
Hix. I slipped i guess.
I'm human too.
Couldn't I make mistakes?

Now I don't know what to do.
Didn't know it would turn out like this.
Guess I'm just gonna back off like you said.
Is this my fault?
What i know is we both hurt.
I don't know what to do, honestly.
I'm so sorry for the hurt.
but I guess it's not that easy to heal..
yours and mine.

Hope God help us find a way out of this mess.
Amin.


-Ddddddaaaaammmmmnnnnnn-

are this how we going to spend the rest of our life?
hating.. well probably not hating, but not caring about each other..?

we might as well leave this one behind
and start creating a new one, a better one instead,
cause -So Help Me God- that's the idea i've been thinking of.

-SometimesIt'sBetterNotToThinkAboutThis-