What is this?

What is this?

Why do your hobby same as mine?

Why do we have so much in common?

Why did it seems I waited for your reply before I can sleep?

What kind of sorcery is this?

Things about relationship

If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.

Jera a.k.a Kapok

"salam hangat u/ cintamu,
aku yang kandas dan patah hati,
biarlah orang memandang lemah,
aku tak mau bercinta lagi..

Engkau yang dulu pernah kucinta,
namun terlanjur kau bersamanya,
dan kau terluka oleh cintanya,
kini kau hadir ku sudah jera.."
-Jera, Agnes Monica

this goes out to you,
yea, you, should i mention your name out loud?

I know what you're trying to do, eventhough it seems like you don't even know it.

Sorry pal, the train's already leave.
So stop yellin' at the machinist.

Can i suggest you to stand by your own feet once in a while.

don't need to bounce around all the time.

Take your time,
enjoy life,
enjoy love.

kalo jodoh ga kemana kok, don't push it too hard..

Emotionally Abused

yea, ok
you can say he's not that bad
whatever.
cause you won't hear any words i said,
what else could i do?

this is the tricky part,
he didn't do any physical abuse,
what he did was an emotional abuse.
and it wasn't easier -if not harder- to be deal with,
cause I don't have physical proof,
I can't show you any evidence,
if i could tear up my heart and let you see,
what damage he had done to me, emotionally,
maybe then you'll get it.

but unfortunately i can't,
what i can do now is express my feeling
with anything possible, that I'm comfortable with.
And when I do,
i would like you to listen,
pay attention,
and believe me.

Which you've failed to do.

i don't want this to happened too,
i dream about a perfect happy life,
but to simply look the other way,
doesn't solve the problem.
by not believing in it,
doesn't make it disappear.

I wish it was that easy,
but it'll be like there's something eating you alive inside,
and you just keep ignoring it, not believing that it exist,
then you just die.

No, i don't wanna do that.

I know you're hurt too,
yea, you're hurt too, yet you keep it quiet,
but don't expect me to do the same

I'll do whatever i can to make me comfortable,
cause i still have a life to be live in,
i still want to be happy.

so please don't drag me down
to the same quicksand that we're just get out from,
you wanna jump in again?
I'll say, "it's a ridiculous decision"
but you're so determine to do it,
so I'll say "Alright, just don't drag me down with you"

Man, I Was Selfish!

saw you one night all alone,
and damn,
i didn't realize you're so lonely.

Sitting there all by yourself,
i couldn't tell that you're happy.

Were you relieved, or mad?
were you happy or sad?

what were you thinking?

and there it was,
suddenly i realized,
i was so selfish all this time,

you probably thought about all those lonely nights you might have,
all those scary possibilities,
all those memories,,

man!
i wasn't realize you were this lonely,
i wasn't realize that this thing is suckin' up all your life,
leaving only pain and agony
leaving you in the most difficult situation.

I'm sorry if i only add your misery,
me, not being supportive, not being helpful,
truthfully i'm sorry,
i didn't realize it was that bad..

So sorry,
wish i could be more helpful in the future,
at least show that i care,
so we could fix this thing, together..

-Man!-

Action Speaks Louder Than Word

.
.
.
yes they do.

please stop making him useless excuses,
i already know him,

and i know what he did to me, to us.
i feel the pain too.

I'm confused about how fast you forget about it
and agreed to take him back.

You said you haven't forget about it,
yet you don't show it,
and pretend like nothing happened.

.
.
.

Have your wounds heal already?
cause mine's haven't.

You said yours haven't too
yet you don't show it,
and pretend like nothing happened.

.
.
.

well, MANY things happened,
and you can't expect me to walk on with closed eyes like you do.
no, i can't.

.
.
.

You can said "he change, he's a better person now" a million time,
yet, still i can't believe it.

what i believe is what i see, what i feel, what i know,
what he did to me,
or maybe what he NEVER did to me.
and it hurts.

and don't blame me if i don't believe him right now,
because i don't
and i don't know if I'm ever gonna trust him again.

this wounds can't be undone,
this pain you can't took back,
i already know what's the cause, who's to blame,
so don't make me go back and feel it again.


.DontMakeAnyJudgementIfYouDon'tKnowTheProblem.

I'm Just A Human

I'm sorry if i was rude,
i didn't mean to,
i really didn't.

i want us to be normal,
maybe not like we used to,
but just like normal people.

but i think it's not possible,
not now,
my mind, heart, and pride won't let me,
see.. i told you i'm self-centered.

i have to give myself a time to grieve,
this wound won't heal in one blink.

so could you please stay away from me for a while,
cause these memory haven't fade away just yet.

one thing i know now,
I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me,
and relationship don't always have to work.

you can think what you want,
that i'm egoistic and childish?
i don't care.
I'm not perfect,
i'm just human,
i have my flaws.

-IAmJustHuman-

Oh well,,

oh well,,
i always pray for the best to happen
apparently this is the best for now
according to You, God,
so what can I say?

All i want to do is grateful because i have You in my life,
You that Keep me from crumble and fall into pieces
You that Gave me this amazing maturity and calmness i don't even know i had
You that Allow me to experienced this journey
You, Who Know what's best for me..
You, God...
Alhamdulillahirabbilalamin..

HasbiAllahu laa ilaa ha illa huwa 'alaihi tawakkaltu
Cukuplah Allah bagiku, tiada Tuhan selain Dia.
Hanya kepada-Nya aku bertawakkal

i'm grateful because i have the most amazing friends in the world
that keep me so close together so i don't have space to crack up

i'm even grateful because i have the imperfect family
that taught me what to do in crisis
that taught me that there's better things than break down and cry

what happened?
oh well,,
let's just say,
what i've always afraid just happened

this is why i keep us out of the spotlight at the first place,
this is why i only tell few people, and i even regret it now,
this is why i always hesitate to respond when you said those three words..

i can't say "i didn't see this coming" because i saw it, clearly.
what i don't know is,,
is that you saw it too..

what i regret is,
why you still did this,
why you didn't tell me you were hesitate too,
so that i could be more confident about my feeling,
more confident to said "no" at the first place,
and maybe i could help prevent all of this from happening

cause it's not fun,
it maybe what's best,
but it's not fun.

to tell you the truth,
i can't say that i put my faith on us,
i can't say that you're the one,,
but i thought it was just temporary,
that my feeling would change along time,

oh well,,
apparently not.
as far as i know for now.

oh well..
now i'm grateful that i trusted my feeling not to tell everyone
cause now there's only few people to be delivered the bad news to.
it's still too many tough.

yaiks..

-ohwell..-

Ehm..
I really don't know what to say,
I just hope this is gonna last,
with God's permission..

Just so you know, I pray for us,
hope you too..

and please, be true, be honest, don't ever lie..
'key?

Oh ya, yes, i do had a good time today :D

-HappyAndScaredAtTheSameTime-

When You're Gone..

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

-Avril Lavigne, When You're Gone-

God,, even music can't calm me like the way it used to.


-Hhh..-

Tahu gak kenapa gw marah?

Emang gampang sih ngomong maaf,,
tapi,
tau gak alasan kenapa gw marah?

Kalau ngomong maaf tapi ga tau alasannya kan sama aja boong..

Gw marah, yah, mungkin sedikit kesel karena...
lo menganggap enteng hal yang gw anggap berat,,
lo menganggapi dengan canda, hal yang gw anggap serius,,
dan kadang itu memang lucu, tapi kalo keseringan kan jadi gak lucu..

hhh..

smg jangan keulang deh..

-huah-

It's Not A Game

Oh, now I see..
Maybe for you all, it's just a game
Another fun thing to do..

Well let me tell you now,
It's not a game
It's not fun,
for us who suffer for curiosity,
for us who never know what lies ahead,
for us who could only wonder what is this suppose to be.

Yeah I know,
I've been there several times,
In fact, I think I'm there now,
Stuck in the same game again and again..

Damn you all,,
It's not fun,
It hurts, sometimes a lot..

Dear Readers,
Please don't play with someone's heart, someone's feeling..
Cause it's not fun, it's not a game..
Cause it hurts, sometimes a lot..


-....-